Today I picked up Lauretta (my 4 years old) from preschool and she was sharing with me about how two of the kids won’t play with her and broke down crying and I was immediately triggered. I tried to stay grounded as I shared with her that not everyone is going to want to be our friends and then asked her to name her friends that do play with her and she gave me a half dozen names but then responded that she really wants to play with the 2 kids who are rejecting her. She started crying and all I could do was hold her.
As a people pleaser who has spent my whole life trying to make people like me I want to stop this cycle with Lauretta but I feel like I don’t have the tools
Any suggestions on books for her (and/or me) that help give tools to combat these tendencies?

7 comments,0 shares,1 likes
over 1 year

It sounds like you did an amazing job really!! You let her feel her feelings, you didn’t try to brainstorm ways to get the kids to play with her or somehow blame her for why they weren’t playing with her, you assisted her in remembering she has other friends ... all really positive things , so while you may feel lacking in skills you have a great tool bag already 🙂

over 1 year

How lucky is she to have you as a mom. Someone who is healing her own wounds and gain the coping skills to be able to ground yourself to give her what she needs. Everything I read says bravo mama. Being triggered by something someone does to my kiddos sends me right into mama bear mode so thank you for this and the example you set for me today by sharing.

over 1 year

Thanks ladies! All of your words have helped immensely! Having this community to turn to with something like this is such a gift! It’s only been a couple days but it’s already impacting my life! Thank you! 🙏🏻

over 1 year

Poor sweet you and Lauretta! I love the book ideas from Jess! I will need to check them out for my classroom! I love how you helped her name her feelings. And how you had name the kind children who want to be here friend. That's what I try to do with my students. You're doing a fantastic job!

over 1 year

Thea, I want you to realize that while this is absolutely hard for Lauretta you are getting a double dose of is kicking up your own wounding AND you hurt for her. You did the absolute best thing: you held her. Help her name her feelings and validate how sad she must feel and it is ok to feel sad. The reality is we can't control other people or other kids and if we aren't careful we try to get our kids to be ok by going right ibto problem solving mode, but then they learn to tey to bupass the feelings. Helping them to feel worthy, to learn boundaries ect... is so important AND we have have to validate their feelings. That was what was missing for most of us growing up. Letting her be sad, teaching her how to ride the wave, then coaching her on her worth and how so many others love her and want to play with her! (those books look great, Jess!)
Recognize she isn't yet in a pattern, she is just starting to encounter these hard experiences and you grounding and holding onto yourself while you help her navigate all of her feelings, and then bring in that coaching piece is how it doesn't become a pattern for her! You've got this Mama. Now also be gentle with yourself! 🧡

over 1 year

If you want to bring it up with a little humor, my daughter's teacher read a Pete the Cat book yesterday (Pete the Cat's New White Shoes?). The message was that whatever life throws at you, you take it and roll with it. It was funny, cute and had a great message. 🙂