Riding the Waves...
After years of therapy, after years of deep healing:
excavating my subconscious, cleaning up false beliefs and working on loving
myself - I STILL get triggered.
Even after all of my work and trusting in, and preaching about - the importance
of dropping in - it can be easy for me to try to dismiss triggers and just
analyze them. Because of all of my inner work I can easily trace these triggers back and have an understanding of where they come from BUT then I want to stop there. Why?
Because I DON'T HAVE TIME AND I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY. Feeling those feelings,
tending to those younger parts of me is a lot of work. I have a family, 2
businesses and tons of other commitments that need my attention. I really don't
have the time. These are the thoughts, the words, that run through my head.
AND I know that it isn't true. I have a deep knowing that if I don't make time
things will feel worse, I may spiral. If I don't take the time to tend to the
emotional upset, problems will manifest in others ways: headaches, short fuses
with my husband and kids, wanting to lose myself in mind numbing
activities. So I actually will lose more time, the headache will take me
out, I will have to spend time on repairing the ruptures made from my short
fuse, and lord knows how many hours can be lost numbing. Also, not making the
time or the space for the feelings is sending the message to the younger part of me that her feelings are too much and I don't have time for her. She is
already is feeling this, the last thing she needs is to have that message
reinforced by me.
So....I did yoga on the app and connected with my body and my inner
resources. I did a meditation called Mountain Within to honor my feelings and
remind me of my strength. And I listened to some soft Krishna Das chants that
help me stay connected to my higher power. I let myself cry, and cry again. I
talked it out with someone I trust. AND I am talking to that younger part of me
that so desperately needs love and reassurance. I take the time because deep
down I know I can't afford not to. I do it for me, yes. I also do it for my
kids, my husband, my friends and my clients. I make a commitment to them
everyday to show up with the intention of not bringing my baggage into the
relationship, and that means I find the time, every time.
I also know that this won't ever end- getting triggered. This is part of the
human experience, part of life. But because of the inner work, I can do
something different when the triggers hit. Riding these waves instead of
fighting against them, having the tools, helps me move through easier and I
feel stronger on the other side. I do less damage to myself and to others. AND I am lighter and more in alignment with the essence of who I really am.
So I keep going, doing the deep work to help me stay up on the surf board as I
ride through the waves of emotions that are a part of life. And I know I am not alone.
Let's continue to support each other as we ride the waves and remind each other why doing the work and having the resources is so important as we continue to move down this healing path.
Oceans of Love-